Jack wants to tell him then about Mary just to spit it all out, the worst thing he ever did, but ( Sam from his time forgave him, and he doesn't know if he will again. Not without the experience of loving and losing Jack before that, which made it harder for him to swallow, hating the child he'd raised. Maybe in time he'll believe he can be honest and not lose the love he's clinging to, but he's not there yet. Castiel already hates him (in his mind).
He listens to Sam instead but there's uncertainty in his gaze. He wants to believe him but he's unsure if he should. He remembers when Sam told him that he understood what it was like to be him and he's bringing it up now too. To know that Sam also had feelings like this at some point is somewhat helpful, and maybe gives Jack some insight into why Sam so aggressively refused to listen to reason about him killing Chuck no matter what the cost. )
You're a good father, Sam, you always have been.
( Sam was his first real parent, because Castiel was dead when Jack was born. Sam took over for him for the start, and he treated him kindly and gently. Jack connected to him right away, and for him at least, he's always seen clearly the way he loves his parents. Even a complicated one like Dean. )
But this Castiel sees me as Dean sees me. And I've never thought that they were wrong.
( It hurt his feelings, obviously, Dean's hatred of him stung a great deal in those early days. Eventually they established a relationship, but he destroyed it with Mary. Still, he always rationally understood Dean's point of view, even as it upset him. Maybe not in the start, before he did anything bad, but later on, it became so clear. )
It's a very present concern that I'm three times an archangel now. I'm extremely dangerous. I'm doing my best to control it but I could be a threat to this world.
( Jack's words stop Sam in his tracks. He looks at him, frozen, eyes wide in a quiet kind of awe for a second. Jack called Sam his father. For a moment, that's the only thing that matters. Sam loves Jack, he's known that for a while now, maybe since Jack first disappeared on them and Sam tried everything to get him back. But he never thought he had the right to think of Jack as his kid, not when Jack chose Castiel to be his father, and Sam just happened to be the one willing to step up in his absence, defend Jack from Dean's accusations and try his best to help Jack navitage through the insanity of their lives. Hearing Jack actually call him his father, knowing he thinks of Sam that way, that's different. A different that, for once, isn't horrible or traumatic. The word 'father' knocks him off his feet, but it also warms his heart, and despite the mounds of bullshit they're dealing with, Sam just feels incredibly lucky.
But Jack keeps talking, so Sam pulls it together as best he can, shifting and letting out a small cough before focusing on Jack's concerns instead of his own feelings. Jack's worries aren't unfounded, and Sam doesn't have the answers to soothe them, doesn't even have a plan to help Jack feel a stronger sense of control. All he can really do is be here for him, and be the person who isn't afraid of him. And despite knowing Jack is more powerful than ever before, Sam really isn't afraid. Yes, things with Jack are complicated, but since when is anything in their family not? He knows Jack's a good kid, he always has. )
Well... ( Sam tilts his head thoughtfully, trying to put his thoughts into careful words. ) In a way, it's the same as when we met, right? I know you're more powerful, and you have every right to be concerned, but your powers are still yours, Jack. I think, like back then, the best thing we can do is what we've done before. Tread cautiously, but still use what we know to try to be the good guys. And I already know you can do that. ( Sam gives him a small, encouraging smile. ) I know that's not an answer, and I know it doesn't make the stuff with Cas any better. And you can always talk to me about any of it, you know that, right?
( Another time, Jack would have been perceptive enough to pick up on Sam's surprise and emotional journey related to him calling him father for the first time. By his time, Sam knows that he's Jack's father, and their relationship is incredibly strong. Stronger perhaps than any other bond that he has, Castiel included. But he is too upset at the moment to pay much attention to anything other than his own fear and suffering.
Castiel's hit upon one of Jack's greatest weaknesses: his fear of himself and what he can do. It's been there from the first day, and while he's managed to do great things with his powers, and protect people using them, it's such an uncontrollable problem. A part of him does wonder if Castiel is right. He could have manipulated his mind. It's within his powers. He keeps expecting this Castiel to love him so it's difficult to understand that he can't.)
I haven't always been the good guy, Sam. I haven't always made you proud. I was out of control for a while and you had to lock me away, which I was mad about then, but I knew afterward you were right.
( It's said casually but to be frank, it was anything but casual to Jack at the time. He doesn't hold it against Sam though, not now. He sees so clearly on the other side of it the point they had to make. Jack proved that fear correct. And now he sees himself climbing up past that.)
But we don't have anything like a ma'lak box here. If I go wrong again, who can stop me?
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rosecarmine
(no subject)
Date: 2025-08-05 09:47 pm (UTC)He listens to Sam instead but there's uncertainty in his gaze. He wants to believe him but he's unsure if he should. He remembers when Sam told him that he understood what it was like to be him and he's bringing it up now too. To know that Sam also had feelings like this at some point is somewhat helpful, and maybe gives Jack some insight into why Sam so aggressively refused to listen to reason about him killing Chuck no matter what the cost. )
You're a good father, Sam, you always have been.
( Sam was his first real parent, because Castiel was dead when Jack was born. Sam took over for him for the start, and he treated him kindly and gently. Jack connected to him right away, and for him at least, he's always seen clearly the way he loves his parents. Even a complicated one like Dean. )
But this Castiel sees me as Dean sees me. And I've never thought that they were wrong.
( It hurt his feelings, obviously, Dean's hatred of him stung a great deal in those early days. Eventually they established a relationship, but he destroyed it with Mary. Still, he always rationally understood Dean's point of view, even as it upset him. Maybe not in the start, before he did anything bad, but later on, it became so clear. )
It's a very present concern that I'm three times an archangel now. I'm extremely dangerous. I'm doing my best to control it but I could be a threat to this world.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-08-17 09:24 pm (UTC)But Jack keeps talking, so Sam pulls it together as best he can, shifting and letting out a small cough before focusing on Jack's concerns instead of his own feelings. Jack's worries aren't unfounded, and Sam doesn't have the answers to soothe them, doesn't even have a plan to help Jack feel a stronger sense of control. All he can really do is be here for him, and be the person who isn't afraid of him. And despite knowing Jack is more powerful than ever before, Sam really isn't afraid. Yes, things with Jack are complicated, but since when is anything in their family not? He knows Jack's a good kid, he always has. )
Well... ( Sam tilts his head thoughtfully, trying to put his thoughts into careful words. ) In a way, it's the same as when we met, right? I know you're more powerful, and you have every right to be concerned, but your powers are still yours, Jack. I think, like back then, the best thing we can do is what we've done before. Tread cautiously, but still use what we know to try to be the good guys. And I already know you can do that. ( Sam gives him a small, encouraging smile. ) I know that's not an answer, and I know it doesn't make the stuff with Cas any better. And you can always talk to me about any of it, you know that, right?
(no subject)
Date: 2025-08-21 08:52 pm (UTC)Castiel's hit upon one of Jack's greatest weaknesses: his fear of himself and what he can do. It's been there from the first day, and while he's managed to do great things with his powers, and protect people using them, it's such an uncontrollable problem. A part of him does wonder if Castiel is right. He could have manipulated his mind. It's within his powers. He keeps expecting this Castiel to love him so it's difficult to understand that he can't.)
I haven't always been the good guy, Sam. I haven't always made you proud. I was out of control for a while and you had to lock me away, which I was mad about then, but I knew afterward you were right.
( It's said casually but to be frank, it was anything but casual to Jack at the time. He doesn't hold it against Sam though, not now. He sees so clearly on the other side of it the point they had to make. Jack proved that fear correct. And now he sees himself climbing up past that.)
But we don't have anything like a ma'lak box here. If I go wrong again, who can stop me?