Yeah, but everything to do with my powers was part of a long-haul plan to start the Apocalypse by Heaven and Hell. They never appeared again once Cas got me from the Cage. It's hard not to think there's a nefarious reason they're starting again now.
( As unnerving as it is to be so clearly seen, Sam still lets himself smile, just a bit, at Rowena's reassuring words. She wasn't a part of that world-ending shape of his life, so getting an outsider's perspective is strangely comforting. And he doesn't think Rowena would lie to him just to make him feel better, they know one another better than that.
He also knows Rowena is right. If his powers really have returned, he needs to get a handle of them. He just has no clue how to do that without drinking demon blood - and that hardly counts as him being "in control" of the situation. So he needs to catch Rowena up on his shitty past, no matter how ashamed he is by it. )
It's not just visions. My powers come from the demon blood that was fed to me on the night my mother died, to make me strong enough to host Lucifer. Others had powers too, but they were all killed. So you can see why I'm not thrilled about all of this.
( she gets it. and whilst rowena knows that samuel isn't being honest to scare her away, what's a best friend for if not ride or die, she knows that for most it would be exactly that.
sorry, samuel, she's made of tougher stuff. and she understands a shitty backstory )
I'd have been concerned if you made a deal with a demon for them, but this wasn't your choosing nor your fault. It was done to you, for a terrible price. Which is exactly why you should be in control.
Which starts with ignoring what you were taught before. Your powers may have been given to you for that bastard but they're yours.
( she doesn't type and he's not here. she desperately hopes he isn't, but with samuel having a vision-- now she fears a connection, even if lucifer would never save her.
that's a spell for the morning )
You won't be required to even touch a demon, let alone its blood. I have better methods.
It's understandable, and acceptable to not want this. It was a part of your life you wish you could forget, or undo. This isn't the same, and you won't be alone, whether you embrace it or ignore it.
( rowena's already embraced it, but she embraced every part of who samuel was a long time ago. she understands a past, and a darker side, and she sees it, accepts it, knows what he can do, but ultimately knows what he chooses to do and is. she accepts the whole of him )
( When Sam doesn't respond for a few minutes, it's not because Rowena has said anything wrong, it's because he's thinking hard over what she's said. He knows that when it comes to his powers returning, his only real options are to wait and hope they won't happen again - a tactic he used a long time ago, to no avail - or take what Rowena's offering and get a handle on them.
The offer is inherently terrifying, through no fault of Rowena's own. He had lost himself for so long after Dean went to Hell that he trusted Ruby for all the wrong reasons. Took her offer of being able to control his freak nature with both hands, then drove the world off the road with it. It wasn't just he demon blood that influenced him, he knows that now. But he also knows that his body has changed forever because of what he put in it, and that his addiction will most likely never fully go away. It's a muted desire most days, barely recognizable, but its tempting call lingers softly like a ghost in his psyche, in his blood.
Then, there are the things Dean once said to him, long forgiven, but impossible to forget. You turned yourself into a freak. You're a monster, Sam, a vampire. Even without Dean here, he has a good idea of how he'd react to the idea of Sam rehoning the skills Azazel gave him.
But here's not here, and there aren't any demons in this universe - as far as he knows - and Rowena is just saying what Sam has believed for a long time, what he's told her and Jack and others struggling with their dark past: it doesn't matter what you are, it only matters what you do.. And as long as he's stuck in this universe, he wants to help as many people as he can.
Finally, having decided, Sam picks up the phone and replies. )
( with the length of time it takes sam to respond, rowena considers that he might have fallen asleep again. she's calmer herself now, worries shifted from the brief conversation, and after waiting a few minutes puts her own phone down, her head back on her pillow to try and sleep some more.
which is exactly when he texts her again, just as her eyes had closed.
the words make her smile, knowing that samuel is feeling out the offer rather than accepting anything. really, she doesn't fully know what she'll do with him, but she has a few suggestions )
Meditation, astral projection. If you're okay with it, looking into your mind, to see if I can find something about your powers, and help you there.
There are also spells that can be used to draw out a vision, but that is a step further down the line. If you wanted to know and control your powers you'd need the right mind first: a clearer, focused one.
( Sam nods at this screen in the dark; none of what Rowena is suggesting seems too far-fetched or morally dubious. )
We knew a Dreamwalker who could travel the astral plane, as well as others. I'm not sure that's even something I can do, but it's worth a shot.
( He could have talked to Kaia about this, or Patience, but at the time, his abilities seemed to be permanently dead, and he had no wish to raise those spirits. Now, though, he wishes he could have had a proper conversation with Missouri, at the very least. He could have learned so much more about psychics who didn't have demon blood in them, who presumably got their powers naturally, but Sam had always flinched away at the comparison and buried his head in the next case. )
We can try meditation, sure. ( He doesn't say anything to Rowena's offer to look into his mind. He would prefer it no one ever entered his mind again, frankly, and he's almost sure she won't like what she would find, so he lets that suggestion go unaddressed. ) You're right. Even if I don't have another premonition, it would be good to explore this a bit.
Edited (im so good at html) Date: 2025-08-05 08:51 pm (UTC)
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rosecarmine
(no subject)
Date: 2025-08-02 06:34 pm (UTC)( As unnerving as it is to be so clearly seen, Sam still lets himself smile, just a bit, at Rowena's reassuring words. She wasn't a part of that world-ending shape of his life, so getting an outsider's perspective is strangely comforting. And he doesn't think Rowena would lie to him just to make him feel better, they know one another better than that.
He also knows Rowena is right. If his powers really have returned, he needs to get a handle of them. He just has no clue how to do that without drinking demon blood - and that hardly counts as him being "in control" of the situation. So he needs to catch Rowena up on his shitty past, no matter how ashamed he is by it. )
It's not just visions. My powers come from the demon blood that was fed to me on the night my mother died, to make me strong enough to host Lucifer. Others had powers too, but they were all killed. So you can see why I'm not thrilled about all of this.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-08-02 06:44 pm (UTC)sorry, samuel, she's made of tougher stuff. and she understands a shitty backstory )
I'd have been concerned if you made a deal with a demon for them, but this wasn't your choosing nor your fault. It was done to you, for a terrible price. Which is exactly why you should be in control.
Which starts with ignoring what you were taught before. Your powers may have been given to you for that bastard but they're yours.
( she doesn't type and he's not here. she desperately hopes he isn't, but with samuel having a vision-- now she fears a connection, even if lucifer would never save her.
that's a spell for the morning )
You won't be required to even touch a demon, let alone its blood. I have better methods.
It's understandable, and acceptable to not want this. It was a part of your life you wish you could forget, or undo. This isn't the same, and you won't be alone, whether you embrace it or ignore it.
( rowena's already embraced it, but she embraced every part of who samuel was a long time ago. she understands a past, and a darker side, and she sees it, accepts it, knows what he can do, but ultimately knows what he chooses to do and is. she accepts the whole of him )
cw substance use(ish)
Date: 2025-08-05 06:28 pm (UTC)The offer is inherently terrifying, through no fault of Rowena's own. He had lost himself for so long after Dean went to Hell that he trusted Ruby for all the wrong reasons. Took her offer of being able to control his freak nature with both hands, then drove the world off the road with it. It wasn't just he demon blood that influenced him, he knows that now. But he also knows that his body has changed forever because of what he put in it, and that his addiction will most likely never fully go away. It's a muted desire most days, barely recognizable, but its tempting call lingers softly like a ghost in his psyche, in his blood.
Then, there are the things Dean once said to him, long forgiven, but impossible to forget. You turned yourself into a freak. You're a monster, Sam, a vampire. Even without Dean here, he has a good idea of how he'd react to the idea of Sam rehoning the skills Azazel gave him.
But here's not here, and there aren't any demons in this universe - as far as he knows - and Rowena is just saying what Sam has believed for a long time, what he's told her and Jack and others struggling with their dark past: it doesn't matter what you are, it only matters what you do.. And as long as he's stuck in this universe, he wants to help as many people as he can.
Finally, having decided, Sam picks up the phone and replies. )
What do you have in mind?
(no subject)
Date: 2025-08-05 06:37 pm (UTC)which is exactly when he texts her again, just as her eyes had closed.
the words make her smile, knowing that samuel is feeling out the offer rather than accepting anything. really, she doesn't fully know what she'll do with him, but she has a few suggestions )
Meditation, astral projection. If you're okay with it, looking into your mind, to see if I can find something about your powers, and help you there.
There are also spells that can be used to draw out a vision, but that is a step further down the line. If you wanted to know and control your powers you'd need the right mind first: a clearer, focused one.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-08-05 08:50 pm (UTC)We knew a Dreamwalker who could travel the astral plane, as well as others. I'm not sure that's even something I can do, but it's worth a shot.
( He could have talked to Kaia about this, or Patience, but at the time, his abilities seemed to be permanently dead, and he had no wish to raise those spirits. Now, though, he wishes he could have had a proper conversation with Missouri, at the very least. He could have learned so much more about psychics who didn't have demon blood in them, who presumably got their powers naturally, but Sam had always flinched away at the comparison and buried his head in the next case. )
We can try meditation, sure. ( He doesn't say anything to Rowena's offer to look into his mind. He would prefer it no one ever entered his mind again, frankly, and he's almost sure she won't like what she would find, so he lets that suggestion go unaddressed. ) You're right. Even if I don't have another premonition, it would be good to explore this a bit.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-08-05 09:11 pm (UTC)Let me know when you're ready to begin, and only when you are ready.
Goodnight, Samuel.