He said I made him into what I needed and that I was in his head and changed him. He said his head had been torn by others before by people forcing loyalty and that they were nothing in power compared to me.
( Jack remembers exactly what Castiel said because it got to him, so deeply. He's not going to forget those words any time soon. It felt like personal attack after personal attack, and while he intellectually doesn't think that is what Castiel was trying to do to a cruel level, it felt terrible. If others manipulated his mind, he's projecting, he is assuming the worst of Jack, and Jack is Lucifer's child who has done that to many people, of course he might think that he could be capable.
Jack drinks his water and looks down at it, setting it down and considering the next part before saying it. Because he knows that this opens some doors he doesn't want to entirely talk about, but it is relevant to his concerns.)
I was mad at you and Dean for lying to me, and I made the entire world stop lying by just saying so. It caused a lot of bad things. I didn't mean to hurt anyone.
( In Jack's mind at the time, lying was bad so it would be a good thing if no one could lie. Then they'd always tell the truth. But it was wrong to manipulate everyone's minds like that and he realized that after it happened, but at the time, all he'd been is angry and hurt. Castiel's fear of him is very real and Jack's fear of himself is also very real. He almost never means harm, but he still causes it.)
And I'm stronger now. Double what I was then. I don't know what I'm capable of. He said he thought he should kill me. I planned on dying to stop Chuck and I felt like that was okay, because maybe I shouldn't be alive at all.
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rosecarmine
some suicidal-ish thoughts
Date: 2025-08-05 07:28 pm (UTC)( Jack remembers exactly what Castiel said because it got to him, so deeply. He's not going to forget those words any time soon. It felt like personal attack after personal attack, and while he intellectually doesn't think that is what Castiel was trying to do to a cruel level, it felt terrible. If others manipulated his mind, he's projecting, he is assuming the worst of Jack, and Jack is Lucifer's child who has done that to many people, of course he might think that he could be capable.
Jack drinks his water and looks down at it, setting it down and considering the next part before saying it. Because he knows that this opens some doors he doesn't want to entirely talk about, but it is relevant to his concerns.)
I was mad at you and Dean for lying to me, and I made the entire world stop lying by just saying so. It caused a lot of bad things. I didn't mean to hurt anyone.
( In Jack's mind at the time, lying was bad so it would be a good thing if no one could lie. Then they'd always tell the truth. But it was wrong to manipulate everyone's minds like that and he realized that after it happened, but at the time, all he'd been is angry and hurt. Castiel's fear of him is very real and Jack's fear of himself is also very real. He almost never means harm, but he still causes it.)
And I'm stronger now. Double what I was then. I don't know what I'm capable of. He said he thought he should kill me. I planned on dying to stop Chuck and I felt like that was okay, because maybe I shouldn't be alive at all.